I come across many women who ask themselves the same question over time: “Do I deserve it?”
“I’m just so grateful they’ve even considered me,” said one client when she was headhunted for a role.
“I suppose I should just be happy to have a job,” said another when her employer reneged on her original remuneration package.
“I feel bad asking for money!” replied a business client when I asked what she charged.
Perhaps you can relate? You know you’re good at what you do. You know you’re ready for that promotion, more responsibility, more recognition and higher quality clients, but you find yourself settling for less.
Let me guess… You just want to ‘help’ people, and you definitely don’t want to be pushy. It might not even be about the money for you. Or simply put, you don’t want to seem arrogant.
Thereon, my question to you is: If you can’t be certain in yourself, promote yourself or ask for what you want, then do you really deserve it?
If you even considered that question for one moment, we need to talk! OF COURSE YOU DO!
This just means that you’ve just gotten used to settling for less than you deserve because…
- You’re a people pleaser
- You’re running a pattern of self-sabotage, or
- You’re really scared of what might happen if you stop settling (because anything is better than nothing right?)
Do you often feel taken advantage of, taken for granted, walked all over, or frustrated that people don’t see your worth? Here’s the thing though. If you don’t value yourself, neither will anybody else. I can’t stress this enough.
How can I reverse this thought pattern, you might ask?
Don’t worry, you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. So many women have been conditioned to be ‘nice’ and ‘polite’, and to take care of others before they take care of themselves.
I 100% get it. I used to be everything for everyone, do too much, give too much, undercharge, allow people to mess me around and then wonder why I was burnt out. People were taking the piss (at home and at work) and I would wonder why there was no knight in shining armour coming to save me from this Cinderella existence.
At the end of the day, I deserved more. Logically, I knew that and as do you. But emotionally, I kept settling for less.
Any of this ringing a bell?
Self-sabotage is a pattern that very often comes from some level of undeserving, unworthiness or inability to see your own value. If any of this hits a trigger with you, there are some things you can do:
- Examine your own mindset. For example: “I should just be lucky to have a job.” Is that your thought or has it been given to you by somebody else?
- Work on your sense of self-trust. People who settle for less than they deserve often lack a level of self-trust. This shows up through approval-seeking mechanisms (e.g. needing people to agree with them) and needing permission (e.g. being told it’s okay for you to to be successful).
- Check yo’self! And check in with yourself. If you continue on this path for another 12 months, and in a year’s time you’re still settling for less, playing small, feeling overlooked and frustrated… Are you okay with that?
If yes, then crack on!
If not, what are you willing to do about it?
As a mindset coach, this is my core business, my bread and butter, my deepest passion and also, my own journey.
I help women to stand up, step up and speak up through my work – taking you from Worrier to Warrior.
After just one session, the first client I spoke about earlier came to realise she’d been headhunted because she was excellent at her job and the company wanted (and needed) her. It wasn’t a case of luck or favour; it was a case of value. When she realised that, she was able to show up for the interview with so much certainty in herself that she got offered two positions and was easily able to choose the one she wanted – not the one she should take.
The other client who was “lucky to have a job” realised her value, called the employer out on their poor behaviour and ended up getting a new job with another company which included a $20,000 pay rise.
And lastly, my other business client went from burnt out hobbyist to reputable small business owner. She’s been able to commit to further coaching to take her business to the next level, because she started charging what she is worth and stopped tolerating cheap clients.
So many women are settling for less than they deserve, self-sabotaging and feeling undervalued. If you’re one and you’re sick and tired of it – connect with me and my tribe in my Facebook group where this kind of hogwash is not tolerated!
Here’s to empowering one another, because you deserve it!